Friday, April 20, 2012

Pseudologia Fantastica- A story. (Part-1)

I really have no inspiration for a personal update, so instead, I decided to go ahead and post a story I wrote a couple of months back. This is the 1st part... I'll post the second portion if there is an encouraging reception.
On a sidenote- I was experimenting with a different style of writing, So this one might strike you a bit odd..
Much love folks,
R.

___________________________________________________________________________________


Pseudologia Fantastica- A story.

My name is Avarna I say.


There is silence.


Let's try again he says.


Surprised I reply My name is Avarna.


No, it's not. I'll ask you once more. What is your name.


Fine. My name is Avantika.


He sighs.


It is.


It isn't he says.


I don't know why I'm here I shout.


Yes you do he says.


They're accusing me of things I don't do.


They might they might not. That is not mine to decide. You tell me your name and we shall begin.


I consider.


Swati.


Swati? He asks.


Swati I confirm.


Thats not even close to Avarna or Avantika.


I've always liked names from A.


Okay he says.Tell me more about you.


I'm 21, have done Eng Hons. from Hindu. I
'm a journalist.


Good. Tell me more.

About what. There isn't much to tell.


Oh I bet there is. Tell me about your family.


My mother is an interior designer my father was in Merchant Navy and my sister is in Norway.


Why in Norway?


Because she got married and Tony asked her to.


Tony is her husband he enquires.


Obviously I snap.


Where did they meet.


Who Tony and Sam I ask.



Yes Tony and Sam.

She was interning in Mumbai. He is a photojournalist. He was lecturing in a seminar.


Interning? What was she interning in?


She is a doctor I respond.


Oh did they have kids.


They have kids- Anahita is 6 and Alicia is 8.


Okay. How were your parents? How did they tre
at you?


Oh there were troubles. Ma was always busy being a socialite and dada was never home. They loved Sam
 more than they loved me. But it was okay till I did drugs, got into alcohol but everything became alright after Rohan.

Rohan he asks. Who is Rohan.


Rohan is my best friend, the love of my life.


Is that so he asks.


It is. He is wonderful.


Tell me more.



Hes a beautiful human being, gentle intelligent kind good looking. Everything a woman wants.


Everything a woman wants I'm glad he says.

Yes so am I. But Rohan had cancer so he died.


Rohan died he asks with curiosity. I am truly sorry for your loss.



My eyes tear up. It was dreadful I say it is like a part of me died.

Hmm... Rohan loved you back equally?


More, I reply. He left me little notes on the fridge written with a green pen that said I love you eternally.

 He loved my parents and he did them little favours without being asked to

That sounds like a gentleman.


He was more than that. He was everything I respond.


Tell me about your friends.


Oh where to start.. There's Kavita Paloma Sebastien Raka Goth Nevis Ankita Gianni Mahana Daf Tammanna Meg Desilva


Are they all he asks.


No there are many more Should I tell you all of them I ask.


No that is quite a long list Seems like you're quite a people person Who is your best friend.


I don't keep best friends.


Why is that. he asks


Nobody is the best.


Okay what about the one closest to you.


They are all close to me.


I find that quite hard to believe.


Believe what you want to.


Is that what you think Swati Believe what you want to.


Yes that is what I think


But a person can believe in a lot of things that may not conform to the norms of society


Who cares about society You open your mouth you say what you feel You live and you think what you want to I reply indignantly.


Okay Swati. I think we've spoken a lot today. Before we wind up can I ask you something.


Ask away


Who is Renee he asks slowly


My heart beats hard against my ribs. 
I can feel a lump on my throat and I feel myself blank out. My ears hear something loud unpleasant that makes me cover them


Swati who is Renee he asks again

STOP I say my voice an octave higher


Swati he repeats patiently who is Renee


I hear the unpleasant noise again ripping through every inch of my face


STOP STOP STOP OH MY GOD STOP HURTING ME. I repeat


Renee Swati tell me who is Renee


Tears stream down my face I scream I DON'T KNOW


I DON'T KNOW WHO IS RENEE I DON'T KNOW PLEASE STOP HURTING ME


Swati he probes. His tone is still the same levelled Can't he hear the godforsaken noise Why is he doing this to me.


WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME WHY


I drop down from the couch my ears hurt I cry


He touches my arm. My eyes widen I pull back and spit on his face


Swati he sighs and says I thought we cleared out that nobody spits on anybody here


YOU BASTARD YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING TO ME


Swati I am sitting here I am not doing anything. My hands are in front of you I haven't moved. I need to know who is Renee


Oh that pain AH! STOP! PLEASE!

I scream again. I scream. I scream


And my screams subside into sobs I ease into unconsciousness.


__________________________________________________________

"Achyut it's painful 
to see her like this" The pretty lady in baby pink says. Her face is downcast, grey. She leans on the window overlooking the parking lot and stares into nothingness.

"I'll try again, Kavita. It is against my methods to rush a patient but I'll try. maybe tomorrow.


She nods and leaves the man in brown shirt to his thoughts. He puts down the paperweight he was 

twirling between his fingers and makes a decision.


_________________________________________________________________________




What is your name

Avantika


Are you sure


What kind of a question is that


It is not a question It is an opportunity to rethink your answer


Then it is unnecessary


Again. I'll give you an opportunity he says


You're wearing a blue shirt I remark


He smiles So what


I've never seen you wear blue. You always wear dark shades Blue suits you


He smiles again I know he replies So will you rethink your answer


You always liked me didn't you Achyut Too bad I was with Rohan


His eyes cloud


I need you to concentrate he raises his voice I need you to tell me your name


Swati I reply


Swati who is Renee


My heart speeds up I gulp the lump in my throat and try to keep my voice levelled


I don't know what you mean Achyut I respond smiling


He puts a hand on my chest


I freeze my heart beating frantically


Why is your heart speeding up Swati he asks


I don't know I reply helplessly It is this girl Renee. You ask about her a lot. I just dont understand why


He looks at me steadily his light brown eyes roam over my face and he bites his lips


He bites his lips a lot


Why do you bite your lip like that I ask him


He stops biting his lips and rubs my hands. We're sitting too close I know Achyut always liked me


Why do you ask he enquires


I don know I notice you do that a lot biting your lips


I do that when I am thinking. Is that interesting to you


Yes


Why


I like knowing about people They fascinate me


Good he says People fascinate me too


I look at him I feel sad


We can never be together Achyut. I'll forever be loyal to Rohan I breathe for him


But isnt he dead he asks


The tears form in my eyes


Why would you say something so mean I ask in a manner that conveys my hurt


It is not mean it is the truth isnt it.


Yes it is But it hurts.


Swati let's play a game


I look up


What do you mean We're not children anymore I reply laughing. The tears are gone.


Its fun but I dont know if you have the capacity to play it he says teasing me. He loves my laughter. He smiles at my laughter It makes him happy




Well Mr.Hotshot we will play I reply. I have ski'd in Asahidake I have faced mountain gorillas in Rwanda I have done a lot of things much tougher than a game tough guy I say

Hmm he says Then lets play.

____________________________________________________________(End of Part 1)

7 comments:

Aneesh said...

you need to post part 2...like right freakin now!!!

Priyanka Banerjee said...

^^ What he said!

Anonymous said...

Um. I couldn't help noticing that you used...um...you know...er..sort of 'real' names. Not that other names are not real. But you get what I mean, right?

Nevertheless, I loved it! 2nd part RIGHT NOW!

~~ Bonal.

Dodo said...

PART II ! PART II !!!

Baba Vaniteshwar said...

PART 2. NOW.

Anonymous said...

m a pseudo...nd its friggin tuff being one...
we have different personalities..our minds are always fucked up...just like how this girl is...i guess we really dont care what the truth is and what the lie is...i was exactly in the place this girl is...i and thousands other have to battle this behavioural cancer every day...its just how we are wired..
so thank u so much for putting such an amazing piece together...it got tears to my eyes...i cant thank u enuff
and part 2 it is yaar!!

Remya said...

Well, thats exactly what I wanted to capture. The enormity of this condition and the fact that its not well known despite the possibility that many DO suffer from it..
I was a borderline pseudo once in my life- But recovered with surprising speed.. Maybe its got something to do with the fact that I have forgiving people around me. That always helps you know? Thinking about those whom you lie to.. and how they'd feel if they found out and just how scared you'd be when it comes down to confessions.. And how it keeps building with every lie that you speak