Sunday, January 1, 2012

Triple One Two

A shout out to my sister. This was the first New Year that we didn't celebrate together. I missed you!

New Year's all about leaving a year behind, so I've heard. It's about leaving memories long past their primes, unpleasant experiences, conversations, molding them all into one big ball of muck and rolling it down the hill.

Instead, this year, I decided to back off just about the time I was going to throw it down the hill. I decided to unravel the muck, and I ran down to get all my previous New Year muck back up as well. I set them all in a line and started to sort through it. You'd be surprised at how dirty your hands can get while you're sorting through them. Which by the way, (personal experience has taught me) can be extremely terrifying when you're a person obsessed with clean hands.

I had lots of ideas how I'd open the first blog post of the year... maybe with a sentimental post lined with delicious literary devices. The man who I saw on the road at New Years eve, laughing with his friends. A closer look revealed that he had a wooden stick as his right leg. That's right- he was short of one leg, and he was the happiest person on that stretch of very congested road. I was under the impression that that would be enough to make an impact, so I stuck to it. Until the day began.

Let's say it wasn't one of the best New Year this time around, not because I decided to sort through the muck of my past, but simply because every incident that has made up my last 17 and a half hours, has been extremely upsetting.
But had a particular conversation not happened, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have breathed even a single word describing my dreadful day in this year's NY post. I would've lined it up with incredibly weird and funny images from MS- paint. Made fun of my friends and me, shot a few funny lines and enjoyed the traffic on my Stats page.

But that's not going to happen  this year because of this conversation-

Me- "So..basically, I avoid updating my blog with depressing stuff because I don't think people are blog surfing to read about others' misery.. You know.. why depress the world?"
My confidante - "Hey it's not about depressing. See, what you write on your blog should be about what you feel. I remember whenever I read my diary entries of the time when I was your age, all I can think is "God! Give yourself a break"... Even the guy who got the Best Blogger Award started off writing about his pain. In a single year, he lost his best friend (who died) and went through a divorce....I mean, with so much pain, he flagged off a blog and started writing about things which cheer him up. And that became the best 1000 things that can cheer a person up. So it's not about depressing people or writing stuff that other like just to increase your traffic... It's about writing what you want and if people like it- that's good. If not..."

That's about when we were interrupted.  But I thought about it for a long time, and realized that it wasn't the most genius conversation on the planet. Hell, everything that was said in it was something I was already aware of.... But like I always say- even if you know something, at times, you need somebody to remind you of it.
I mean, one becomes such a covert kiss- ass that one doesn't even realize it. All one posts is what one feels will garner Blog Hits.

Unfortunately, that's what I have unwittingly become in all these years of blogging. An undercover people pleaser, who during the day turns a blind eye to people who express their dissent about her and while blogging, becomes a brown noser who doesn't even know who the hell it is that she's trying to please!

Oh and the worst part? You would not believe how many times my mind has changed itself in the past 15 minutes. It's gone from being certain, to unsure to "OH MY GOD, THIS IS BORING! IT'S A NEW YEAR POST! WRITE SOMETHING CHEERFUL!"

But hey, I'm not here for the entertainment.

We all are a part that we're proud of, and a part that we are not proud of. And life is about furnishing the latter, and trying to achieve perfection.

Happy New Year, you guys.
Here's to a year of brutal honesty.
                                                                                                                         (Image courtesy- Google Images)


Komal Ali said...

A very different New Year's post, but of course, life isn't always sugar and spice and all things nice.

Happy New Year! Have a great 2012! :-)

Remya said...

Happy New Year to you too! :)

NG said...

To brutal honesty, cheers!

Remya said...

Nikhil! I really was beginning to wonder where you've disappeared! ;)
Happy New Year to you too! Read that you're changing your blog space and left a comment... Sadly- your last post and my first comment on your blog..Anyhoo- To brutal honesty! Cheers!