Monday, December 13, 2010

What's inside my head.

My eyes hurt.
Real bad.

Now I sigh. It's been so long since I've had a smooth day. Actually, I've given up the thought of a normal, non-controversial life way back. It's mainly, you see, because there exists a parallel universe within my head that expands every minute.
Trouble happens to be like this ex-girlfriend of mine whose main objective in life is to stalk me.
And Tears follows suit.
It's like this BAD love story, Trouble fantasizes about me and Tears fantasize about Trouble instead. Yep, pretty screwed love triangle.

Oh Also. Tears have started acting like an Indian Government employee. It rarely works, and when it does? It does the work with such scary enthusiasm that it is shocking. Which basically translates into- when I want to, I'm incapable of crying- my tears glands dry up. But just when I DO NOT want to- Tears become sincere all of a sudden and burst into startling sobs infront of an unsuspecting poor human being.

By the way, Mr. Self Depreciation does a cameo every once in a while. He's a faithful bastard.

Meanwhile,this shitty movie, has Depression, Loneliness, Sorrow, all - wearing these shiny new fluorescent- colored costumes and doing a jiggle to a bollywood item number. And Depression is looking awesome in the scene. Winner, always.

Ego is this red-clad Manchester United fan sitting on my shoulders. He's really tiny. And has got this weird, annoying Bieber-like squeaky voice. Which is appealing. Not.
These days, amongst all this commotion, he's always shouting into my ears,"Hey Listen! My brothers Dignity and Sanity were coming around to me, right! Yeah..gay name, they've got. But hey! They were asking you to listen to me, for a change, if you wanted to survive in the madness. Will ya listen to me WOMAN!?"

Oh! That reminds me, a few days back? I got a call from Bitchiness. She was all fake Brit-accent and jazz. So I went, "Hello?"
She said, "Hey dahling! Are you the one they're all saying, should be my Representative?"
So I replied to her that I wasn't sure, but that's what I heard from Mrs. Gossip-Rumor. (Mrs. Gossip Rumor is Ms. Crowd Mentality who married Mr. Gossip first and then Mr. Rumor. Now they're both suing her for irreparable damage- both financial and psychological )

So Bitchiness replied, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Honey. You're a far cry from being my Rep. You don't even fill the minimum criterion of being ME!"
And she slammed the phone down. I checked the last received call from my caller id. And now I know bitchiness' number. You can reach her at: o-b-s-e-s-s-i-o-n. No international codes.
So anyway. That sucks. Because Mr. Accusation just laughed at my face and said, You aren't even what they're all making you out to be."
That's when Mr.Misunderstood stood up and left. His work was accomplished.

A few days back, I had a "Principles War" (like cold war, world war etc etc..). A war between my Morals and my Shallowness.
Morals said, "Be nice. Stay with me, We'll emerge a winner. A partnership of us will help her in her time of need."
You know what shallowness replied? He said "Stick up your a**e, Loser." How cheap.
My shallowness is a cheap, rude fellow. He just high-fived Mr. Wannabe Popular. Weirdo.

Just when I thought Worse couldn't get any WORSE.
That's when Mr. Friendship showed up. And then, Madness broke loose from the asylum.
Everyone- Ego, Trouble, Sanity, Dignity, Tears, Bitchiness, Depression ALL screamed out together, "Get OUT of here, moron!"
But Friendship, instead went and joined hands with Hate and said "You know what? You've had enough of Mr. Driving Crazy from her! We want a bit too! SO SCOOT!"

So they all, reluctantly, gave way to Friendship. And I went mad.

But thankfully, another annoying dipshit called Love is NOWHERE in the scene. If he had been there? Then I would've been searching for Mr.Wits in the ENTIRE Atacama region without any scope of finding anyone. Even Mr.Hope is M.I.A.

Speaking of which, Mr. Hope is very ill. So is Mr.Strength. They're both very tired.They're like West Ham at the NBA league or Kangna Ranaut at a rock concert. No scope of scoring whatsoever. They've grown old within a 16-year old body. They wanna give up too, those traitors.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's mayhem. There're SO many people, faces, thoughts, actions, Hatred. There's SO much, SO MUCH of hatred around me.
I wish someone had told me how to get through this.
I wish someone had told me how to keep it all together.
I wish someone had told me, that I have something to look forward to- if I EVER emerge out of this shit.

It's a chaos. And probably, this whole post might not have made ANY sense to you.
But trust me, your convenience, is the LAST thing I care about.

Buhbye, people.

4 comments:

FranticalMe said...

"Trouble fantasizes about me and Tears fantasize about Trouble instead"

"Tears have started acting like an Indian Government employee. It rarely works, and when it does? It does the work with such scary enthusiasm that it is shocking."

"By the way, Mr. Self Depreciation does a cameo every once in a while. He's a faithful bastard."

"Oh! That reminds me, a few days back? I got a call from Bitchiness. She was all fake Brit-accent and jazz."

"Mrs. Gossip Rumor is Ms. Crowd Mentality who married Mr. Gossip first and then Mr. Rumor. Now they're both suing her for irreparable damage- both financial and psychological"

"Because Mr. Accusation just laughed at my face and said, You aren't even what they're all making you out to be"

"That's when Mr.Misunderstood stood up and left. His work was accomplished."

"A few days back, I had a "Principles War" (like cold war, world war etc etc..). A war between my Morals and my Shallowness."

"My shallowness is a cheap, rude fellow. He just high-fived Mr. Wannabe Popular. Weirdo."

"That's when Mr. Friendship showed up. And then, Madness broke loose from the asylum."

"But thankfully, another annoying dipshit called Love is NOWHERE in the scene"

"Even Mr.Hope is M.I.A."

"Speaking of which, Mr. Hope is very ill. So is Mr.Strength. They're both very tired."

Did I forget something?
Okay, last one here:

"It's a chaos. And probably, this whole post might not have made ANY sense to you."

Ya think?
Best post EVER.
Peace-out chutanki!

Madassedly,
Chamak

nil said...

^I absofuckinglutely agree with Manta up there.

Hell girl there is A LOT going on in your head, if it wasn;t obvious enough already :P
You just gave me inspiration to rant out my anger. ITS ALL BEEN SO BLOODY *&##&$%&@*@(@(@(@(!!! LATELY!!

AA I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING NOW.

But
MY FAV POST TILL DATE!! THIS ONE!!!!

desigheeandcoffee said...

Great new look! Awesome!

About the post: I'm totally blank!

Charu said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.........

I almost felt tears of laughter while reading this post. Like everyone else said, seriously one of your BEST posts EVER. Hilarious AND ingenious. If that's what goes on in your mind...well, Brilliant.

Awesome post man. Really awesome.